3 Reasons Your Mess Makes You a Great Mama

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Your baby is here. You've waited a long time for this moment. You've prepared for it. You've read the books, taken in advice from other moms, bought all the things. Now your baby is here and you are prepared for it. You have expectations and you're going to meet every one. You've made the list, studied it, and perfected it. You are going to be a great mom.

Then, it happens. You make a mistake . . . then another . . . then another. Now you're second guessing your ability to be a good mom. You find yourself praying that silent prayer.

Lord, please don't let me mess up my kid.

Before long you think you've made a mess of things, a huge mess of things. You've made such a mess of things that you've given up on being a great mom. In fact, you think you're a terrible one.

This puppy themed Encourage One Another Scripture printable is available here.

Not true, sweet mama. Yeah, we all mess up. Some of us have messed up big, but God knew we would. He knows our weaknesses and imperfections, but He chose us to parent our children because He knew we were perfect for them.

Your mess makes you a great mom. Kristin Strong from Dayspring Cards & Gifts wrote a whole article about it and she says your mess makes you a great mama and here are 3 reasons why that statement is true.

3 Reasons Your Mess Makes You a Great Mama

by Kristin Strong at Dayspring Cards & Gifts

When motherhood and I were just getting acquainted, I thought I could approach her like taking a test. If I prepared well and made few mistakes, I could ace this thing and therefore send my children into the wild blue yonder with nary a carry-on size bit of baggage. I assumed good parenting would fit nicely within my hard work ethic and efforts, and the results would be few mothering mistakes.

Yeah, right.

Let’s all just take a moment to roll our eyes and say, “Bless your heart” to my younger, clueless self.

This baby seal themed "Give Thanks to the Lord" Scripture printable is available here.

It didn’t take long to discover this parenting gig brought more trick questions and multiple choice answers than I ever dreamt. I didn’t know all the answers then or now, not by a long shot. Some days, I was certain I didn’t know any. I made (make!) mistake after mistake after mistake, and I was sure I got everything wrong. I became afraid of my weaknesses, certain the more I messed up parenting, the more I messed up my kids.

Discouragement sat beside me and continually asked me one question: Why can’t you get your act together?

And the answer came like a song on a breeze,

Because it is through your mess I most teach you about Me. You are a great mama — not in spite of your mess, but because of it.

The longer I work through this parenting gig (nineteen years and counting!), the more I see it’s true. Because while we all have our hot mess moments and feel like we don’t often have our act together, we have a God who brings good out of everything all the time.

So, here are three reasons your mess makes you a great mama:

1. Your mess sends the message we’re to rest in promises, not perfection.

I know in my heart perfection is an unrealistic and downright bad ideal, but how often do I act like perfection is attainable and acceptable?

Perfection should never be the goal of parenting because a perfect mom is not an excellent mom. A perfect mom – if she could exist – is an unapproachable mom. How could our kids be close to us if we demanded perfection from ourselves or them? Our kids aren’t perfect, and they know they aren’t. They know we’re not. It comforts them to know mama doesn’t expect perfection, either in themselves or herself.
So instead of resting in perfection, we rest in promises such as these:

He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart, he gently leads those that have young.
Isaiah 40:11 (NIV)

It doesn’t say He spends energy on raising perfect little lambs but gathering, carrying, and loving them.

This owl themed Scripture printable is available here.

2. Your mess sends the message that you are just the right mama to raise your babies.

If you spend quality time with your kids, love God, and talk to them about Jesus’ love for them, you’re a good mama regardless of what you feel like. Regardless of what you see that mom doing over there that you aren’t doing over here and think you should be doing to be a good mom. Remember, it’s not good mom/bad mom. It’s good mom/different kind of good mom.

Often I tell my children that if God lined up all the kids in the world and told me to pick only three, I would pick them — the three I have. What if we turn that inside out and imagine God lining up all the mothers in the world and picking just one to mother your particular children? He picked you and only you. Since God placed your children — with their distinct personalities, character traits and interests — into your life, you are the best mama for your babies, period.

We all have different kinds of messes, but we can all still be good mamas in the messes because God fills all our different gaps.

3. Your mess sends the message that mistakes are allowed and grace is welcome.

Our messy parts hold the opportunity to teach our children one of the most important lessons they can ever learn: grace.

Every parent blows it from time to time, but it’s what we do afterwards that stays with our kids. When we mess up parenting, we look our kiddos in the eyes and tell them we’re sorry. We ask for their forgiveness and remind them that mama needs grace as much as they do.

Proverbs 3:34 says, “The Lord gives grace to the humble.” When we apologize to our kids, we show humility and invite grace into our homes, and heaven knows everyone wants to reside in a house where grace lives.

Imperfection is the prerequisite for grace. Light only gets in through the cracks. Philip Yancey

It is inside the imperfections, the weaknesses, and the cracks that light escapes. It is where Jesus is what we cannot be, so we can be the great mamas God designed us to be.Enjoy and be encouraged by other Mother's Day articles at Dayspring here.

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I've been thinking a lot about my mother and my grandmothers lately, especially with Mother's Day approaching.  I think about the legacy they left for me.  This fall, I will hold my first grand baby in my arms.  If I can be only a fraction of a grandmother to my grandbaby that my grandmothers were to me and a fraction of the grandmother to my grandbaby that my mother has been to my children, I will be doing well.  The legacy of a Christian mom not only blesses one generation, but several.  The legacy of a christian mom can be handed down from one generation to another and to another and to another.  Teri at Dayspring Cards and Gifts writes about the legacy of a christian mom as it relates to her.

The Legacy of a Christian Mom

The Legacy of a Christian Mom 

by Teri at Dayspring Cards and Gifts

I’m a fourth-generation pastor’s wife. My great-grandfather was a Southern Baptist preacher as was my grandfather as is my dad. And, as it worked out though I promised never to do it, I find myself almost twenty-one years into marriage with my own pastor-husband. (Side note: Never say never.) As I look back at the legacy of faith my Christian mom, grandmother, and great-grandmother built, I realize I have big shoes to fill when it comes to raising my own Christian children.

My Neenie was the consummate Southern lady. Always elegant and gracious. In her ninety-plus years, her faith was the steady backbone of our family. As her sight failed, she listened to the Bible on audio tapes. She prayed over and for all of us, reminding us it was God alone who provided for us, who sustained us.

My Bigmama is, as my uncle says, “a force of nature.” Even at eighty-two, she sweeps into a room, filling it with energy and life. She’s passionate and creative and has the most beautiful servant heart. Even now, as she cares for my Bigdaddy who has Parkinson’s, Bigmama welcomes others into her home and her heart. Her hospitality is a beautiful picture of the God who welcomes us all to Him.

My mom is quiet, reflective. Rarely willing to step into the spotlight, her prayer journals are full of the needs of others and the sweet ways God has answered. Though she will always step in when needed, her preference is always to help and serve in the shadows.

As Mother’s Day approaches, I’ve been thinking about what a gift it is to have this heritage. To be part of a line of women who have taught and served and loved in countless ways is nothing to take lightly.
The lessons I’ve learned from each of them influence every part of my life. From my Neenie, a passion for the sustaining power of the Word of God. From my Bigmama, an abiding love for the Lord and for His Church. From my mom, a willingness to serve wherever I’m needed.

I’m raising a daughter of my own now. She’s seventeen and when I look at her, my prayer is always that she will love the Lord and abide in Him. I’m thankful she’s next in this line of women who have devoted themselves to the Lord. I see in her Neenie’s quiet grace, Bigmama’s devoted love, my mom’s ability to notice others.

This owl themed "The Lord Gives Wisdom" printable is available here.

Just as these women have profoundly impacted my life, they’ve also influenced hers. We’re the beneficiaries of these mothers who love the Lord, who pray, who walk in obedience and faith. It’s a firm foundation they’ve laid for us to walk upon and every day I pray we continue to shine, as they do, the light of Christ in this world.

What a better time than Mother’s Day to honor the women who have impacted your spiritual journey? Take time to let them know how much they mean to you with a handwritten card or inspirational gift, or by simply sending an Ecard. And for those who are no longer with us, like my Neenie, why not write them a little note in your journal to reflect on and celebrate their lives?

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The Legacy of a Christian Mom

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Reflections on Motherhood:  A Letter to My Pre-Mom Self

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Learning from a Mother's Faith - A Mother's Day Message

Learning from a Mother's Faith - A Mother's Day Message

The following are my Bible study notes based on my pastor's Mother's Day sermon.

Learning from a Mother's Faith

You are invited to watch, listen, and worship with us here.

 Our Scripture passage on this Mother's Day is Matthew 15:21-28.

1.  The struggle is real.

The woman's daughter was demon possessed.  Life is hard.  Sometimes we can do everything right and and life still hurts.  Sometimes struggles are because of choices we make.  Sometimes struggles come from circumstances which are not our fault.

2.  Life's great struggles require great faith.

This mother's great faith was persistent.

Now He was telling them a parable to show that at all times they ought to pray and not to lose heart, saying, “In a certain city there was a judge who did not fear God and did not respect man. There was a widow in that city, and she kept coming to him, saying, ‘Give me legal protection from my opponent.’ For a while he was unwilling; but afterward he said to himself, ‘Even though I do not fear God nor respect man, yet because this widow bothers me, I will give her legal protection, otherwise by continually coming she will wear me out.’” And the Lord said, “Hear what the unrighteous judge said; now, will not God bring about justice for His elect who cry to Him day and night, and will He delay long over them?  I tell you that He will bring about justice for them quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will He find faith on the earth?” - Luke 18:1-8

What if the answer you are looking for is on the other side of your next prayer?

The most important thing you can do is give your children to Jesus.

Great faith is humble.

There are two things that move the heart of God:  tears and prayers of a mother.

How many lives have been changed because Mama prayed?

The Power of a Praying Mom

I'm not sure if this song is the one my pastor was referring to in the video.  In my search, I found there are several versions of songs titled "Mama Prayed," but I landed on this one and loved it.

"Not much more than 5 foot tall, but mountains big and small crumbled all the way when Mama prayed."

   
Jesus doesn't promise to always heal, but He does promise that whoever calls upon the name of the Lord will be saved.

Are you someone whose mom is praying for you?  You can learn about how to have a relationship with Jesus here.  I hope you will make Him your Lord today.

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Learning from a Mother's Faith - A Mother's Day Message

Hang in there, Mama. You're going to miss this.

It's Sunday which means some mama out there got up extra early this morning to get her kids all dressed up for church.  Then, she headed out the door with her family for the "perfect" day of worship . . . until it all went wrong and now she just can't wait to get everyone in bed. She wonders how many years it will be until she can breathe again.  She is a wonderful mom who adores her children, but she's exhausted.

This is for that mama.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. This one is worth a million. We look like we pretty much had it all together for a family with three kids all aged 5 and under.

Hang in there, Mama.  You're going to miss this.

Nope.

It was baby dedication day at our church. The dedication went well, but then there were the pictures. My youngest was the starving baby. It was her day.  She looks pretty content in the photo but she was humming and murmuring all sorts of noises as she frantically lapped her fingers. I prayed she wouldn't start squealing until after we were done with the photo session. The middle one - she was a sweet, delightful child most of the time. Not that day. She woke up with a swollen eye. I still don't know why, maybe a bug bite or maybe it was the start of a cold. It didn't matter.  She was done. She was done with babies. She was done with church. At this age, she hated getting her picture taken. I mean, she HATED it. You see how my husband's hand is spanning her entire stomach area? That was to hold her still. She was not cooperating . . . at all. If you look closely enough, you'll see that her tongue is sticking out. My son just wanted to get the picture session over with so he could go get something to eat. He was trying hard to be patient, but he was over his sisters.  Both of them.  See his gritting teeth?

You see that smile on my face. Fake. Believe me, I was not smiling on the inside. Somebody was going to "get it" and get it good when this was done.

My husband was fairly calm. His only goals were to hold the middle one still and not tell me to calm down . . . because that never works.  Men, don't tell your women to calm down.  It doesn't work.  Trust me.

I thought I would never be able to appreciate the photo because I would always remember the disaster that it was.

Wrong.

This is now one of my favorite family photos. It reminds me of days I wish I could get back. It hangs in my hallway. Every time I see it, I smile at the memory and I know that I would do it all over again, the good and the bad. I think that when we get older, there are always some things in life that we would never want to do over again.  Some things are just too painful, but I would raise my kids all over again.  The wisdom I've gained from already raising them once would require that I change some things, but I would do it all over again, all of it.  I love my adult kids. I'm so proud of all of them.  They are fine young adults.  I thank God for the gift of them every day.  They are all doing great things and they are doing them well.  I love the adult version of all of them, but I also miss the little ones in this photo.

Obviously, I can't do it all over again.  I'll continue to walk by this photo every day and remember the story behind it as I smile.  Sometimes I even laugh.  It was such a joy to raise them.  They bring me joy still, even in the memories of disastrous situations.  I survived and so will you.  You might not believe it now, but someday, you will look back and smile too.  You might even laugh.

Hang in there, Mama.

Children are a gift from the Lord. They are a reward from Him. - Psalm 127:3 

 

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Hang in there, Mama.  You're going to miss this.

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Reflections on Motherhood:  A Letter to My Pre-Mom Self

22 years ago, I became a mom.  It was one of the happiest days of my life.  It was a day I had dreamed about since I was a little girl.  All I ever wanted in life was to be a wife and a mom.  I became a wife in June of 1991 and on February 21, 1993, all my dreams came true.  I was both a wife and a mom.

The next 22 years were filled with joy, sorrow, excitement, heartache, laughter, tears, three more babies, and all the ups and downs that come with being a mom. I have watched my children play, fall, and get back up again.  I have listened as they told me stories through laughter and I have cried with them as they told me stories through tears.  I have rejoiced with them in their triumphs and I have cried with them through their deepest hurts.  To my husband and I, they are our greatest, most treasured gifts.  Two boys.  Two girls.  Three of them have grown up beautifully here on earth and one of them awaits our reunion with him in Heaven.

With 22 years filled with all the experiences mentioned above, you might think I have a little advice to share and I do.  I wish I could have glanced into my future to see all the things I would do right, but also to change all the things I could have done better. Obviously, I can’t do that, but I was recently challenged, along with a few other bloggers, to look look back with reflections on motherhood and write a letter to my pre-mom self in honor of Mother's Day.  Of course, it won’t change my past parenting experiences, but it might help someone who is reading this right now to experience a deeper, more meaningful future with her most treasured gifts.  Here is my letter to my pre-mom self.  My points are in no particular order of importance.  If you are a young mother or someone who is about to become a young mother and you are reading this right now, pretend this letter is written to you.  You are chosen especially for your children.

________________________________________________________________

 Dear Tina [Insert your name here],

You don’t know it yet, but you are about to embark on an amazing journey.  You are about to experience first-hand the earthly example of the relationship God has with you.  He loves you so much and He wants you to experience in the most personal way, the love He has for His children.  As you travel this bumpy, wavy, and sometimes very difficult path, He will be with you.

1.  Know that your children are not your own.  God is about to create new life.  He is about to create four precious human beings.  They are His.  He has created them to glorify Himself.  They are His precious possessions.  He loves them so much that He sent His own Son to suffer so that these precious lives might receive His gift of eternal life and someday return to Him forever.  Whoever raises them on earth will have great responsibility.  Motherhood is a high calling.  God has chosen YOU.

2.  God chose YOU for a reason.  God chose you to be the mother of four of His precious possessions because He knows you and only you are best suited for them.  He knows you can handle the events in their lives better than anyone else.  Whether you birth them or adopt them, He has chosen you to raise them.  He has entrusted their lives to you.  And by the way, you will only hold one of them for a short time.  You won’t understand it on earth and your heart will long to hold him until you are reunited with him, but you must know that his short life will not be without purpose.  Neither will your suffering.  Trust Him with that.

3.  Don’t compare yourself to other mothers.  There will come a time when you will feel inadequate.  You will look at other mothers and think they are perfect.  You will think other mothers are doing it better than you.  You will think other mothers have it all together while you are falling apart.  You will be overwhelmed.  You will think there is not enough of you to go around.  There isn’t enough of you, but there is enough of Him.  Take time away from the busyness and just listen.  Listen to Him.  He will tell you what is important.  He will tell you what needs to be done now and what can wait.  You must know that no mother is perfect.  No mother has it all together.  You might not realize it, but most likely, other mothers are looking at you and feeling inadequate too.

4.  Seek out the advice of older Godly mothers.  The Bible teaches us that older women are to be a help to younger women.  It is Biblical to seek the advice of seasoned Godly women.  Find one.  Find two.  Find several and go to them when you need advice.  Be careful though.  Seek out the wise.

“These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children.” – Titus 2:4

5.  Accept help.  You are an independent woman.  You always were.  You always wanted to do things on your own.  When it comes to being a mom, you can’t.  You can’t do it alone.  Let your husband be “daddy.”  Let him handle his fatherly responsibilities and don’t be afraid to let your mother or your close friends help you too.  God gave them to you too.   Help one another.

6.  Trust that God loves your children more than you do.  There will be times when you won’t know what to do.  The advice of others will make no sense.  Others will not understand and you will find it difficult to discern the voice of God.  You will feel alone.  When you don’t know what to say or do, He does.  Trust that God will speak to the hearts of your children when you can’t.

7.  Savor every moment.  In the beginning, others will tell you how fast the time will fly and you will know in your heart that they are right.  Then, one day, you will awake to teenagers and wonder how in the world you got there so fast.  Then, you will blink and your beloved children will be all grown up.  This will be difficult for you.  You will grieve for your children’s childhoods, but you will look back on your savored moments and they will continue to bring you joy.

8.  God’s plan for your children might be very different from your plans.  Later on, you will go through an especially difficult time.  You will cry out to God in agony.  This time in your life will be your most challenging time as a mother.  Rebellion takes on many forms.  The enemy is cunning and the battle for your children’s hearts will be intense.  Again, you will feel alone in your fight against the enemy’s subtle evil influences.  You will experience a time in your life you never thought you would face.  After all, Christian parents are not supposed to go through these things – or so you thought.  You will look up into the Heavens and cry out to God that your circumstances are not the way you imagined.  You will scream, “This is not the way it was supposed to be!”  You  must know that your suffering is not only about you.  Your children will sometimes need to go through circumstances you thought were unimaginable within your own family, but God intends this for good.  You will suffer for a time.  It will seem like forever but keep trusting Him with your children.  Remember, they really belong to Him.  After a time, God will pick up the shattered pieces of your heart and gently and lovingly mend them back together again.  He will give you a glimpse into His purpose for your suffering, His purpose for your children’s lives.  His plan for them is great.  Trust Him with them.

 9.  Don’t sweat the small stuff.  Don’t try to be a “supermom.”  Just be their mom.

10.  Last, but most importantly, don’t neglect church attendance and home Bible studies.  You and your husband will do a great job teaching your children the value of church attendance, home Bible studies, and choosing Godly friends, but it won’t be easy.  You will sometimes be so tired but always remember to prioritize Bible study as the number one weapon against the enemy.  He wants the hearts of your children.  Give your children their greatest weapons – Biblical knowledge and wisdom.

“Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” – Proverbs 22:6

Well, that is all I have to share with you right now, but there will be more to come.  Your children are only at the beginning of their journeys into adulthood.  It will be an amazing adventure and you have a front row seat.

Happy Mother’s Day! 

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate. – Psalm 127:3-5

I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations. – Jeremiah 1:5

I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord; plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you a hope and a future. – Jeremiah 29:11

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